Baking and Cooking...

Oh how I love my tartine cookbook. I decided to make the Devil's Food Cake once again. It always stresses me out because I have to get full-fat buttermilk which I discussed on the last podcast. Sigh.

First I had to make the caramel.

Caramel ingredients (I know, I should have used fresh lemon, BACK OFF!)



Cooking the sugar, water, corn syrup



Heating up the cream with the seeds scraped out of the vanilla bean...



And the finished caramel after mixing together letting rest for 10 minutes and adding the half a stick of butter (Long Live STRAUS butter).



The ingredients for the cake layers



Finished cake layers



Chopping chocolate for ganache (cream with chocolate)



Okay, so at this point, I cut the tops off of the cake, and put them in the oven at 250F for an hour, and then put them in the blender and sifted the crumbs through a medium sieve. After this, I cut the cake remaining to rounds into four total. Problem is, I was impatient. BAD KALVIN! I unmolded the cakes too soon before they were completely cool, and part of it fell out. I'm so going back to putting parchment circles in the bottom of my cake pans, I was very displeased. After this, I put the caramel on the first layer, then ganache, but the ganache wasn't very cool, and repeated until the top layer and then just the ganache. I forgot to let the cake set up for 2 hours first in the fridge! (Must learn patience) and so, while putting the ganache on top it spilled off the plate and onto the table. I couldn't just let the chocolate go to waste as it's so fucking expensive, so I cupped it to my lips like some crazed scat fiend. Anyway, finally let the cake set up, and then finished with remaining ganache and put crumbs on top with dollop of ganache.

Here is the cake hiding under a bowl.



The reveal. Sad I know.



Close up of the texture...



Today I found out that whole chickens were just $.79/lb so I decided to do a brine. Here it is without the water before brief boiling.



By the way, the cake has sat untouched on the counter since Tuesday (it doesn't need refrigeration). It must be consumed by Saturday.

So hot it's scary!

Thinking about my adolescence...

Best Business Idea I've Seen in Years

Check out the full site:

http://henderob.com/

"Frankenstein, I want your mind, your lovely head--your lovely head."

Books I've read in the past 7-8 months and what I think about them.

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

Very good book, but it wasn't as amazing as I had expected it to be. It's a very in depth look at many things and reminds us how fragile life really can be. The person you wind up thinking about the most when you go through this book is Capote, and he's done a great job, but ultimately, I wanted something more. You can almost feel his detachment or his efforts to detach.

Michael Tolliver Lives by Armistead Maupin

This is my favorite Maupin book. Unfortunately, that isn't saying too much. The book is much deeper than any of his other works, but ultimately he concludes good discussions too quickly and off-handedly at the end of the book. An easy read, but there are better books out there.

Let's Shut Out the World by Kevin Bentley

This book is a continuation of Kevin Bentley's Wild Animal's I have known. The first book was in journal format of entries over the years starting in the 70's through the 00's. This book is assumedly what didn't make it into the first book. Mostly writings that wouldn't fit into a journal like format. It's a beautifully written book, and lots of eroticism. Bentley is great at sex writing, but he's also a great thinker. This isn't the deepest book, but it wins on all fronts. Not a classic, but definitely better than most. There is frank discussion of HIV; living in SF before and during the HIV epidemic.

My Lives by Edmund White

My favorite book at the moment, and quite possibly one of the best books I've ever read. White organizes his memoir according to subjects like My Shriks, My Blonds, and the most poignant, My Master. White is capable of pulling coherence into each subject. It's a fascinating way to work with time. The book is positively luminescent and brilliant and astonishing. It is beyond human.

A Boy's Own Story by Edmund White

This book chronicles the first few years of Edmund White's life. While it is true that this overlaps with some of the material in My Lives, it isn't uninteresting, and it's fascinating to see how his perspective changes based on the lens or the approach. This is a painful look at growing up earlier in this century as a homosexual. The construction of what it meant to love men is strikingly different and although foreign smacks of purest honesty.

The Beautiful Room is Empty by Edmund White

Probably the most rough of any of his books I've read, this book also has incredible moments. This marks the period of Edmund starting to become aware of himself and starting to come into his own. The confusion is apparent, but the thoughtful process is delightful and beautiful.

The Farewell Symphony

This book is very good, but White seems most guarded here. Despite being double the length of his other books, I feel as if the most editing of painful memories has taken place here. I can understand that there are probably things that were simply too precious to be shared. Oddly enough, as White comes into himself, everything begins to seem more and more unpredictable and surprising. It feels as if he is finally comfortable to truly live according to his passions, and this brings an uncertainty that keeps you reading.

Chaos by Edmund White


The shortest of all the books I've read of his, this is probably one of the most accessible. It's very interesting to see how White takes his own life circumstances and dramatizes them to explore his own psyche. It's an easy read and rewarding if not sometimes self-indulgent.

Call Me By Your Name by Andre Aciman

I'm always uneasy when I discover a novel is about a bisexual. I also avoid reading novels about 17-year-olds because I expect them to be less than substantial. My leap of faith was rewarded greatly. This is one of the best books about love and life I have read. It is very particular and not especially general, but it is incredibly intimate. If anything this book is incredible for its veracity. Highly recommended.

The United States of Arugula by David Kamp

If you're interested in food, this is a great read. Kamp traces early American history briefly and jumps quickly into the mid-20th century to trace how America's relationship with food has changed. The most interesting part of this book is to see how food is related to a societal consciousness.

My Life in France by Julia Child

I never thought that much of Julia Child, but I'm am stunned at what an incredible woman she was. One caveat: the second half of this book is terrible. Not a bad book, and mostly good as a character story about Julia.

Me Write Book: It Bigfoot Memoir by Graham Roumieu

This book gives you the truth about the pain and isolation of being a freak. It also shows you the highs and lows of being unique. Funniest book I've read in years.

Hotel de Dream by Edmund White

White shows that he can do so much more than autobiographical work in this fiction. It's relatively short, and extremely good. It's so carefully constructed and will take your breath away.

Back Where He Started by Jay Quinn

I almost feel like this book should be called Back Where She Started. The book tells of a 48-year-old gay men who is left by his lover of 20-odd years for a younger woman. The premise of the book is very good, but the character is almost unapologetically female. You could make this a story about a woman with exceptionally few edits. There is so much promise in this book, but ultimately, it only touches on subjects and leaves the deeper analysis to someone else. The last line sums it up by saying that the character is back where he started. There isn't much change, and it kind of posits a Voltaire like best of all things in all possible worlds that doesn't seem to conflict with the books obvious religiosity. It's better than most of the average gay books, but noting exceptionally good.

Moments

I've always hated this question: describe a moment that changed your life. It seems silly because honestly, nothing happens in a moment. Death, birth, divorce, separation, love--these are all things that a cumulative effect of context and timing. Even if one dies suddenly, it isn't so much the moment that provides meaning as the context surrounding it. Much in the same way, I have moments in my life that were anchored in my conscious mind even though I wasn't exactly sure why.

In high school, I was still a very devout religious mormon. It was English class that made me question my values. I've already wrote about Camus' The Plague. I was enraptured with the idea of isolation and analyzation, and I became rather solipsistic. This was all in stark contrast to my mormon upbringing. Religion creates a common script for the world, the universe, every individual. I began to realize that I didn't know what my mother was feeling; I couldn't know if my friends were secretly aware of my queerness; I couldn't know what anyone really thought. I became drawn into the Claude Lévi-Strauss form of analysis even though I had absolutely no idea who he was or that people he influenced would become so influential to me later in life.

Amid all of this doubt and questioning I went to English class. The teacher said that many students were having serious struggles and problems dealing with the material, and they were having serious questions.

"This material is very powerful, and it will make you ask serious questions. Questions that need to be asked; questions that should be asked. I'm not putting this out there as the truth of things. But they are serious questions that should be asked. But keep this in mind. Even the dullest person is more interesting than the most interesting novel."

At a moment when ideas seemed to be swallowing me whole, this pulled me back into the context of my own life, my own experiences. There were powerful experiences I had had in church. There was love that I felt for my family. Eventually, I decided to set existentialism aside because my own feelings were real, and the ideas that were so compelling were merely that: ideas.

With time, I began to understand that my beliefs and suppositions were indeed strikingly similar to the ideas I had dallied with in high school. As emotions proved false, society complex and variable, the universe seemingly relative, I was able to pull closer to the ideas. I still carry them with me today. Each person I meet I always think of as a trove of experience and knowledge waiting to be harvested. Each person is important and contributes. The ideas swirl around constructing and deconstructing us. I am glad that it was the human, the personal, that I ultimately learned to value through ideas. Almost nihilistic thoughts brought a wonder, joy, darkness and shape to the most precious things of all: each one by itself.

Realizations, or rather concessions

People are obsessed with beauty, and no, not aesthetic beauty for the most part. Even if you are attracted to 500-pound-women, you will still gush over how hot Angelina Jolie is. A man who lies with other men will still sing the praises of those men on the covers of magazines. I remain confused. I hate that I am willing to surrender respect and power to conventional beauty. If I were to meet a conventionally stunning man or woman, I would grant them more deference. Why? It just feels natural. Why? Because we know the currency in our society, and this is it.